Broken

I guess I always assumed that at some point I would be over my anxiety.

I’m starting to think that I’m going to be anxious forever. Like my anxiety just kind of comes and goes as it pleases, finding new things to latch on to, forgetting about it’s old favourites.

But what if it never goes away? What do I do then? Medicate? Would I be better off on medication? Would I be worse?

I feel like my anxiety is my Achilles’ heel. That I can be good at so many things, but deep down I’ll always have this serious weakness, this massive flaw that somehow gets overlooked, and I just pray that no one ever finds out about it. I don’t want them to know that I’m… broken.

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About janinerussell

The transition to adulthood; reflecting on the past to create a better future.

2 responses to “Broken”

  1. World of Lucky says :

    Don’t feel alone. I have had anxiety for almost all my 45 years. It seems random sometimes and once one thing I am anxious about is resolved, it pops up with something else. No matter how good I was at something. I could be lauded as the best at my job and I still get anxious.

    I tried medicine and it didn’t work for me (the side effects were hard on me). I have learned to deal with it a little by meditation. However, it would be a lie to say it went away. There are days I am still screaming in my head with anxiety and I try hard to cover it.

    The biggest thing that helps sometimes, is that I know I am not alone. Others feel that way too.

    Just remember you aren’t weird, you aren’t alone in this struggle. A lot of us struggle with it and you aren’t crazy because of it.

  2. lexborgia says :

    Perpetual war. A drain on the soul. But! You’re still in da game.
    Read this: https://lexborgia.wordpress.com/2017/01/25/four-rooms/?wref=tp
    Hope it helps a little. Cheers.

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