Sometimes I think about other men. Men I work with, go to school with, see out on the street. I wonder what it would be like to flirt with them. To get a little bit too close. Maybe even a kiss. I wonder what it would be like to recklessly and unashamedly throw myself at them. And I’ve even thought about how the men I see would be as a one night stand if I could take myself out of reality for one night and just be the kind of girl who can have a fling and leave it at that. It’s been years since I’ve been with anyone besides James, and part of me feels like I might be missing out on something. That maybe I didn’t take advantage of the single life while I had it because at the time I was craving a relationship. That for some reason I’ll never be happy with how things are because I always want more.

The problem is I know that I’m completely happy with James. We are happy together, and there’s nothing missing in our relationship. I just know that now that we’re living together, this is how things are going to be for a long time, potentially forever. And I’m okay with that. Honest, I am. And I would never ever cheat on him.

But still… a part of me wonders…


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About janinerussell

The transition to adulthood; reflecting on the past to create a better future.

2 responses to “Confessions”

  1. fashionfeednyc says :

    I doubt you are alone and lots of women maybe have the same thoughts, I know I do so kudos to you for putting it out there

  2. lottieeaton says :

    Wow, you are so lucky that you are able to be so honest about your thoughts. Fair play to you 🙂

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