So there I was, listening to yoga music and violently ripping out strips of my own hair…
Because isn’t that how most good stories start?
I would like to propose a permanent name change. “Wax strips”, especially those that specify their use on the delicately labelled “bikini area”, are now to be called “TERROR STRIPS”.
You know those ads where the suspiciously hairless woman gently applies the strip to her leg and then smoothly removes it in a slow, graceful motion? That isn’t real life. That isn’t even what I wish real life was. I don’t even know what that is except for a gross misrepresentation of female grooming practices.
If you’ve never had anything waxed before, there’s something you need to know. Yes, you warm the strip up between your hands and then apply it to your body. Then you have a moment. There’s always a moment like this. It finally dawn on you that this thing that you painlessly put onto your body will have to come off at some point. There is no turning back, it’s too late for that. If you were going to wimp out you should have thought of that before you put the terror strip onto your body. No, it’s past the point of no return. This isn’t like ripping off a band-aid. This is a strip of agony, and the only choice you have now is how loudly you will curse after you remove it.
No joke, waxing is violent and sometimes bloody if your hair is coarse. *looks around the room with shifty eyes*
I mean, that hair has a follicle keeping it in. You think your skin is going to be happy with the bulb on the end of it ripping through your skin as fast as you can pull it? Ha!
And all for what? A bit of smoothness that only lasts a couple of weeks before you get to do it all again?
Screw being a woman. I quit.
Except I can’t just quit because even though my boyfriend puts no pressure on me to maintain any type of neatness (curious? I mean, sweet.) I need to do it. At least if it was his asking I’d have someone to blame for the pain I go through other than just myself. Nope, this is all me. And I’ll do it again. This isn’t the last I’ve seen of the terror strips.