The Words I Can’t Say

I just want you to be there for me when I need you. I want you to know that I’m broken, and for you to be there to pick up the pieces without me asking. I want you to be able to tell when things aren’t okay, and be willing to put my needs above your own sometimes. I know that sounds greedy and horrible, but it’s true. And I know it’s self-centered and I know that I’m being unrealistic. The truth is, I’ve been having a rough time these past few days, and I’ve been looking forward to you holding me in the dark where I can let the truth spill out where judging eyes can’t see. When you hold me I feel safe, and in that safety I can tell you what’s really wrong underneath it all, instead of giving you the same excuses I give to everyone else. I’m not just tired and stressed. I’m completely overwhelmed. My world is breaking down around me, and I can’t talk about it with anyone else. I’m scared of other people seeing me break, but I need to have the chance to break down so that I can heal. But for that, I need you. I need to talk things through, to tell you how unrealistic my worries are, and how I know that I’m being ridiculous. I know it, but the worries are still there. And I just wish you could be there for me the way I need you to be to help me through it all.

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About janinerussell

The transition to adulthood; reflecting on the past to create a better future.

6 responses to “The Words I Can’t Say”

  1. Priceless Joy says :

    Great writing! It is so real that it makes me want to hug you and ask you to talk about it with me and let you pour your heart out, as you have done in this writing.

  2. floczok says :

    Wow. Wonderful way to convey the emotions. As a reader, I am right there with you feeling everything you have written. I could actually feel a knot growing in the pit of my stomach as I read this. We all have moments of “ridiculousness” and feeling broken, and you are so right that going through these emotions is how we grow and progress to a new level. Well done!

  3. Carrie Leigh says :

    That was amazing! You conveyed so well what is sometimes so difficult to actually ask for. It is too easy to say “I’m fine” when your world is shattering and all you want to do is cry. The hard part is saying “I’m not fine. I hurt.” You did that so well with this post. As someone who hides behind “I’m fine,” wish I could say the words that you put here.

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