As September Rolls Around Again

I read an anxiety book that said something along the lines of “anxiety is almost always a physical manifestation of how you really feel inside”. Maybe that’s why my anxiety struggle really started last September. I had just moved to a new city and felt like I didn’t fit in. To be honest, I was worried that I had made some sort of horrible life mistake by simply doing what I felt was best for me. And not knowing if my family was behind me on this decision was tough to take. Maybe part of me honestly didn’t know if I’d be able to take care of myself. What would I do if I ran out of money? When you’re far away, you don’t have the option to just go home.

Moving out was a significant event in my life, and although it was marked with anxiety issues and a lot of fear, I’m still glad I did it. Well, September is about to come around again, and part of me is worried that I’ll have the same issues as I did at this time last year. Last September I had my first day of work at my new location, and it resulted in a panic attack. Part of me is worried that that will happen again this year when I go back, even though I know that it wasn’t the day or the actions that made me panic, it was my reaction to it. I’m in a better place this year, and I’m optimistic that this year will be better.

I’m going to make it a great year, and this time I won’t let my anxiety hold me back.

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About janinerussell

The transition to adulthood; reflecting on the past to create a better future.

6 responses to “As September Rolls Around Again”

  1. spritesquadron says :

    My thoughts fired. Anxiety to me means feeling like I’m never enough. I’m moving to a new state in Sep. I lost my job at the chinese resturant because I was so nervous, the manager would say “why you have surprised look all the time?” It wasn’t the people I met or the duties that made me panic, I’m astonished to admit that I was too critical of myself. I tried too hard.
    Don’t try too hard. This year is your year.

    • Dr. Pam Young says :

      Spritesquadron: I totally relate: “Anxiety to me means feeling like I’m never enough.” That was the big “AHA!” I got when I finally quit smoking, and the final epiphany gave me new strength to keep on keeping on. (See My FINAL Quit page on SkatingThru2012).

  2. Dr. Pam Young says :

    Best wishes! I know it’s scary. Because I happen to be in a very deep well just now, each moment in my day is calculated. In bed I say, “I’m going to list those things for Ebay.” I get up and say, “Now I’m going to check my email.” Because my life got so out of control, it’s as if I’m fighting to control each set of moments. But there comes a point when we just draw a line–down the middle of a paper and head one, “My List” and the Other, “God’s List” (or however you regard that thing bigger than yourself). As long as I’m doing my tiny steps, I’m golden. This is what I know to be true from maybe 40 years’ experience.Again, best wishes! You are not alone. ;>)

  3. iamjjstone says :

    I found your blog this morning and have really enjoyed reading it. I truly appreciate your willingness to be open and honest, and I hope I will be so brave (that is my intention, at least). I look forward to reading what’s to come!

  4. dentaleggs says :

    Your site is wonderful. Anxiety sucks, that’s for sure.

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