The End Is Near…

Hey all! My course is drawing to a close, and I thought I would check back in one last time before the official results of this military course are in. My final exam performance is Tuesday morning, and I’ll admit I’m really stressed out about it. As the only non-music major doing the toughest music course the military has, I’m feeling really overwhelmed once again with the prospect of what’s coming up. Still, I’ve been putting everything I have into this course, and I hope it will pay off in the end. It’s a long weekend, so I have an extra day to practice my face off. My instructor has assigned me to do at least 5 hours of practicing each day this weekend. Well, there goes my weekend plans. But hey, if 5 hours (or more) per day is what it will take to get through this course, I’ll do it.

I’ve come to the realization that now it is all up to me how I will do in this course. My instructor has taught me everything she could think of to try to help, and is now gone for the weekend. I won’t see her again until the morning of my exam when she will be sitting at a large table surrounded by high-ranking officers who have dedicated their lives to music.

There are only two ways this could end: pass or fail. This course has been a journey for me, though, and it would be unfair to oversimplify this experience into only those two options. Even if I don’t pass, I’ve learned a lot about music, playing my instrument, and about myself. I’ve never worked this hard for anything in my life. This course is one thing that has certainly not come easy to me, but I’ve done absolutely everything I could to not let that hold me back.

With only two days left, how I will do in this course is entirely up to me. It’s not about whether I  know the scales, know how to sight read, or can play through my pieces. No, it’s about a lot more than that. It’s about whether I believe in myself enough to really believe that I deserve to pass this course. It’s about knowing that even though it might not have been easy for me and it isn’t what I do all year round, I’m good enough. I’ve put so much of myself into this, and I hope they see past the nerves and see the person underneath in my music. In the end, I will lay down all that I have, and can only hope that that will be enough. So right now, I just need to remember that I’ve done everything I can. I need to remember that I deserve to pass this course, and that I’m good enough to be a soloist.

And most importantly, I need to remember the one thing I wrote outside my practice room to inspire others who are having as hard of a time as I am:

“Never give up on yourself.”

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About janinerussell

The transition to adulthood; reflecting on the past to create a better future.

3 responses to “The End Is Near…”

  1. Heavenly Bhutan Travels says :

    Congras……..always be happy in life. This is the message we spread in the Kingdom of Happiness.

  2. Christopher says :

    You got this. Show ’em what you can do.

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