A Long Uphill

To tell you the truth, my anxiety’s been a lot worse recently. It got a lot better in January. I had some time at home to relax. I started yoga. I went to church for the first time in a long time, and have kept it up until now. I even went to group therapy for 5 weeks, which was great for helping me calm down and understand why I get anxious.

Now, though, it has started creeping back up on me. That week in the middle of February that I had off of school, but was working every day was really rough. Well, rough enough that it led to a total breakdown. And now it’s been with me for the past couple weeks, just reminding me that I’m still suffering from anxiety that doesn’t go away just because I want it to.


Marathon (Photo credit: Stijlfoto)

The worst part about the anxiety coming back is the nausea I get. It’s a constant state, and it affects every single thing I do. Sometimes I can take my mind off of it, or eat a handful of almonds which seems to help. But still, I go to work, and my stomach is churning. I look ahead to the future, worry about upcoming exams. I worry about the summer, employment, and just wanting to go home for another break. My brain needs rest.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that anxiety is a struggle. It goes in phases, sometimes lasting for long periods at a time. Don’t get discouraged. If anything, those periods of less anxiety need to be enough to make you believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe one day it won’t be an issue for us at all. But for now, all we can do is try our best to stay in the present moment, and not worry about what’s coming.

Anxiety is a marathon, and there aren’t any ways to cheat or take a shortcut. Some parts will be easy, and some will take all your strength to not give up.  Keep going, and don’t let the pain stop you from moving forward. There’s thousands of others running alongside you, and know exactly what you’re going through. We can get through it, all of us, it’ll just take a bit of teamwork.

So who’s willing to jog it with me?


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About janinerussell

The transition to adulthood; reflecting on the past to create a better future.

6 responses to “A Long Uphill”

  1. aviets says :

    Glad I found your blog. My husband has struggled for years with anxiety, panic, and depression. Our daughter is finishing up her undergrad this year and has a room mate with multiple emotional issues. Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you and that you obviously have a bright and promising future ahead. Keep working through the rotten stuff – you’ll get there.

  2. subtle dancer says :

    “But for now, all we can do is try our best to stay in the present moment, and not worry about what’s coming.” – that’s exactly right. I’ve been going through a lot with my anxiety and panic lately, but one thing I’ve learned through the healing process is to be kind and patient with myself.

    It really is a marathon, in fact, it will probably be a lifelong marathon for us, but it’s about learning healthy ways to deal with it. Yoga, therapy, and spirituality have helped me as well. I would also suggest starting a meditation practice, or a gratitude & positive experiences journal.

    Wishing you the best! ❤

  3. browntroutfisherman says :

    Janine, I’m new to both reading and writing blogs so I’m still learning and I’m not good on replying but i’m making an exception here…

    I have followed some of your posts with interest but I have not followed other of your posts beyond the first sentence or two. Maybe this is a typical e-blog reader response, I don’t know, but some of the reason was that I wasn’t comfortable reading them.,

    Anyway the point of my reply is to say two things to you…

    1.Don’t sweat the small stuff…
    2. and it’s all small stuff…

    I find it a sad indictment that in today’s world, a bright and talented 20 something young woman can be in so much apparent turmoil.

    I’m in my late 50’s and I learnt almost too late that chasing the buck and getting too hing up on stuff is a torturous and unnecessary path of life.

    About 8 years ago I was on a management course and was introduced to a book that changed my life bit by bit and as part of that change of direction I decided to take early retirement 2 years ago and spend more time on less (a lot less) money but on more stuff I and my partner wanted to do.

    The book is called “Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s all small stuff…and I recently did a short blog on it and here is the link.


    Take 5 minutes to check it out and if you can, spend a few bucks on it or get out of the lending library. It’s not a quick fix panacea but there are some really simple and great easy to implement strategies that might help you.

    Take care, Paul.(UK)

    • janinerussell says :

      Hey Paul,

      Thanks for replying. Unfortunately, I do the same thing when I’m not completely interested in a post. Actually sometimes even when I am interested I’ll just skim and then move on. It’s a terrible habit, but I get it. I guess what I want to say, though, is that I can know that I shouldn’t let small things bother me, and yet they do. That’s one of the reasons anxiety escalates, by letting the thoughts pile up. I would argue that anxiety is an unfortunate problem to have, no matter what stage of life you’re in. And I don’t feel like it’s going to be a problem for me forever. Thanks for the book suggestion, I’ll definitely see if I can find it somewhere.



  4. jump1434 says :

    Lets do it.. !! 🙂
    Thanks for this post.. makes me realize that I’m not the only one..

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