It’s a depressing day here at Typewriter. I don’t know why, but these last few days have been really tough. Maybe it’s because I’ve been working all day every day, and the long days are just starting to wear on me. This is my spring break week, and I was hoping for a bit of relaxation. Instead I’ve been getting up early every day and playing music until my mouth bleeds. And on top of it all, I have a cold and am feeling really homesick. I have no idea when I will get to actually go home. I might not have the chance this summer if I’m working as much as I expect to be.
But enough about my woes. I want to tell you guys about a situation that happened within the last couple of days, and possibly get some feedback.
On Monday night, I went to James’s parents’ house for dinner. That was when I realized that today was a holiday, and here in Ontario it is called “Family Day”. Possibly the lamest holiday ever, but it definitely contributed to my feeling homesick. I wasn’t sure if I should feel happy that I am welcome in their family for this holiday, or sad because I don’t have family of my own here.
When we were leaving, I invited James to spend the night. Since I was feeling sad, I just wanted him to cuddle me and be there for me. Not to sound too needy or anything. Of course I didn’t actually say that I was feeling like this, so he didn’t know. He said he really just wanted to go home tonight, but would spend the next night with me. No, the next two nights.
It sounded like a great deal, but then I remembered every other time he’s said things like that.
“You never go through with it when you promise me things like that.”
But he assured me that this time he meant it, and would be there the next two nights to cuddle me and make me feel better.
Last night he did come over after work. My stomach was upset for some reason, so he held me until I fell asleep. It was a beautiful evening, holding each other and talking about everything, including our possible futures together. We then drove to work together this morning. We made plans for this evening, to make burritos for dinner, and spend the night together just like he said.
Well, when we were driving home from work today, he said to me that he had gone for burritos for lunch, so he wasn’t interested in making dinner with me. And he also would rather spend tomorrow night with me because neither of us has to work on Friday morning. This was a completely valid point. We both love sleeping in, and it would just make more sense to do this tomorrow night instead.
And yet, all I could think was that he broke his promise. A promise I had told him he would break, and he had assured me he wouldn’t. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. And it isn’t a big deal really, just a simple change of plans to something better. But for some reason right now it feels like a big deal and I don’t know what to do about it.