The 10 Commandments of Relationships

My Love

(Photo credit: Jennuine Captures)

1.Β You don’t have to share all the same hobbies.

No one is asking you to take up football or start playing Call of Duty. If you want to, or actually like to, then that’s awesome. But it isn’t required to make a relationship last. And in exchange you aren’t allowed to make him take you shoe shopping or come to church with you if he doesn’t want to.

2. He doesn’t have to be there to “be there”.

You don’t have to spend every minute with him to feel like your bond is solid. And you don’t expect him to be.

3. You have to have a similar sense of humour.

No exceptions. No amount of nice hair and hot body will make up for having the laughter capacity of a wet sponge. This humour, though, can be whatever is right for you and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you what you should or should not find funny. Even if that thing you find funny is the “what do you call cheese that’s not yours?” joke. If you just yelled “NACHO CHEESE” at your computer, you have my permission to smack yourself.

4. Your parents don’t have to like him.

In fact, your parents can hate him. If you love someone and they love you, no one can tell you that you shouldn’t be with that person. Unless he hurts you verbally, physically, emotionally, or sexually. Then they do have the right to tell you to get out.

5. He doesn’t have to win over all your girl friends.

Girls are picky, snide, and get jealous easily. When a girl tells you they don’t like your boyfriend, you don’t really know if they have a valid reason or if your happiness just makes them miss what they used to have. You can’t please everyone, so make sure you’re happy with the person you end up with. If your friends love him too that’s just an added bonus.

6. He doesn’t need to agree with you all the time.

Hell, sometimes he doesn’t even need to understand. He just has to know that this is important to you, and be willing to support you in your choices and beliefs.

7. You should never have to “settle”.Β 

You deserve to be with exactly the kind of person who makes you happy. Even if that means waiting a while for the right person to come around, it is better than getting hitched young just because that’s what people seem to be doing right now. When you find the right person for you, you’ll know.

8. Money matters.

No, not in the “I only like people with money” sense. Frugal people should be with frugal people, and people who like to spend more for luxurious items should do the same. Money problems are probably one of the biggest reasons relationships fail. If you have conflicting views on something so important, it will only lead to unwanted tension. You can’t have two people driving on the same road in opposite directions. It will only lead to distance or collision.

9. It’s okay to have a “type”.

You like what you like, and especially in people that’s okay. Being with people you like or find interesting is a good thing. But also note that “types” tend to be phases, so don’t get hung up on someone just because they fit what you imagine would be right for you at the time. As your needs and preferences change, the superficial things could change too. He won’t look the same 10, 20, 50 years from now. An awesome personality, though, will never go away.

10. If it breaks, fix it.

If you’re in it for the long haul, treat it carefully, nurture it, and repair it along the way. Little cracks lead to bigger holes if ignored, so make sure you’re both committed to making it work.

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About janinerussell

The transition to adulthood; reflecting on the past to create a better future.

22 responses to “The 10 Commandments of Relationships”

  1. travels with mary says :

    The sense of humor is so crucial! My husband and I love corny jokes and are just big cheese-balls. We vote opposite in political elections, I’m an introvert and he’s an extrovert, I’m a cat-person and he’s a dog-person, but we make each other laugh constantly! I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  2. missphysicist says :

    Reblogged this on (elipses) and commented:
    Haha I love this!!!

  3. oliviamullen1 says :

    I nominated you for the liebster award! congrats! sundaysbreeze.wordpress.com

  4. Jess says :

    Great post with great advice. Thanks!

  5. lizweir says :

    Truth in every single one! I have been divorced twice and the cause of the divorces have been issues with multiple of your 10 Commandments. My relationship now fits every single one of these and life can’t be better! Thanks for sharing!!

  6. bowtalks says :

    Great post , tweeting this !

  7. bigbuttbitch says :

    This list is PERFECT!

  8. chymeera says :

    How did you get so insightful at your age? It is really reassuring to see young women being able to see and feel that way! I have been under pressure to settle when I was young and it only took me moving away to another country, away from the people who saw me grow up and had their expectations, for me to be able to truly find myself…I am an independent woman and I have been looking for the right guy for me ever since…but don’t get me wrong, I am not longing for it…I am as happy as can be as a single woman and for me the right guy will be the one who will make my happy life, happier πŸ™‚ Keep it up!

  9. sabcooke says :

    Number 10 is especially important. If you have a fight, make sure you go to bed with it sorted. If you go to sleep with a tense relationship then you’ll wake up with a tense relationship, and these things can quickly add up if left alone.

    Humility is an essential thing when it comes to a relationship, and that’s coming from the most stubborn man in existence.

  10. Loriiemm says :

    I love this post. I so agree with everything. And I have been very happily married for 16 years. πŸ™‚

    • purpleperceptions says :

      Hey JR, great post! πŸ™‚ (honestly, how is this not freshly pressed!)

      Have to say I agree with all these. Especially number 9. I always go for the tall, lean dark haired, pale goth guys. My type is so established that my brother even tells me to watch certain movies since the lead guy is my ‘type’ (weird or what?). In real life though, my fiance’s the exact opposite of all that. Down to the smallest degree. Yet I honestly can’t imagine being without him. My type, came crashing down when I met him, even though his best friend and our constant companion would be my dream guy, by that definition. I guess we don’t always need what we think we want.

      Great write, keep em coming. It’s a plus in the day when my email pings me with a notif that you have a post up πŸ™‚

  11. elbablogs says :

    Thanks for sharing. Profound words

  12. tgeorges1123 says :

    Good list. I remember when I realized I was in love with my husband and I was all “WTF universe?! This guy is NOT my type.” Love and relationships are funny like that. πŸ™‚

  13. lexborgia says :

    Interesting. But commandments is such a harsh word.

  14. Rebecca Meyer says :

    This is great advice! A lot of the dating “rules” really don’t matter too much as long as you’re happy in your relationship. πŸ™‚

  15. Rebecca Meyer says :

    Reblogged this on Humyn and commented:
    Some great relationship advice in this blog post by an insighful blogger. Sometimes we forget that if a relationship makes us happy, that’s all that matters. Don’t listen to the haters. πŸ˜‰

  16. α–˜α«β„‡Τ·αŽ₯α˜“ says :

    What I find quite interesting is that so many people place so much importance on meaningless material or superficial things and are still dumbfounded why the divorce rate is always over 50%. I could care less about a “type”, unless I’m paying for a prostitute what type of clothes they wear or how they style their hair is about as arbitrary as rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. In all of those 10 things you listed not one mentioned communication, which by the way is the number one reason people don’t succeed, everyone thinks it’s money because that’s just the issue they communicate about the least. Almost every marriage class out there focuses on strengthening communication and not teaching people how to balance a checkbook. How is money such a huge issue? You either make enough to pay your bills with some left over to split and do what you want or you don’t make enough to pay your bills because you refuse to live within your means. Either way, money shouldn’t be an issue at all. You can have 1-10 all covered but if you can’t communicate and, just as important, BE HONEST with each other then you probably won’t make it, no matter how much you both laugh at each other’s corny jokes or both enjoy racking up huge credit card debt! I’m shocked that the commenters who say they’ve been married over 10 years didn’t mention these two crucial things!

  17. eadavisblog says :

    I agree with most of this, but there are a few things I think are crucial to mention. If both your friends and your parents dislike him, proceed with caution. In the beginning of a relationship we are often blind to things that others see, and we eventually find out. Also, its true that you don’t have tO share eveeverything but the biggest rifts in relationships are caused because of money, religion, and children…yes children. You may not want anyand he does, or you want a big family and he doesn’t, or your parenting stylrs are very different. Trust me, this causes issues.

  18. bailee525 says :

    Reblogged this on Think positive and commented:
    This post made me really think. I’ve decided this is something that is completely true. Realizing this “stuff” can make a relationship so much easier.
    “don’t let so many other factor affect YOUR relationship”

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  1. You get what you give … « Simply Me Just Be - February 12, 2013

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