3.7 When I See You Again

He looks at me with wide eyes
I haven’t seen him in years
And I didn’t expect him to be here today
The left corner of his mouth turns upward
The same cocky smile that used to melt my heart
He greets me casually
I answer him awkwardly
Then make a quick escape

I go about my day as usual
I can’t process that he’s here now
I feel like he’s watching my every move
Near the end of the day we all gather for socializing
He is playing pool with some friends I don’t know
We lock eyes from across the room
I try to hold on
But even his gaze makes me squirm

I walk by him
He smells just like I remember
A hint of sweetness I used to love
I would breathe in his scent on my t-shirt
After spending our last nights wrapped around each other
Now the smell makes me nauseous

It comes time  to leave
He asks if he will see me again
I don’t know, I tell him
I don’t know if I can handle it
I know it’s been years since this ended
But he’s the man who took something from me
Something I can never get back
It doesn’t matter now that I thought I loved him then

And although I thought I had settled all these emotions
A sense of panic builds in me as I look at him
Because he was the first man
To truly break my heart
And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive him.


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About janinerussell

The transition to adulthood; reflecting on the past to create a better future.

One response to “3.7 When I See You Again”

  1. Ritu KT says :

    That is why they say that you cannot forget your first love, because it is also the time that your heart gets broken for the first time. And you are never the same person again.

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