Anxiety Problems: Celebrate The Small Victories
One of the things that gives me the most anxiety is my job. I’m in the military, and one of the things we have to do is be on parade. Now really all that this involves most of the time is standing still for about 20 minutes or so. But as I said in my post Anxiety Problems: A Call Out For Help, I’ve been having anxiety when we have to do it. Something about standing there, not allowed to move, not allowed to leave, and having to stay silent the whole time, really gets to me. I find myself panicking, and twice it has cause me to almost faint if I hadn’t gone down on one knee and had someone pull me out. I haven’t had to parade for a couple of months, but the last time we were on parade I started panicking and it made me feel faint.
Well yesterday was my first day back at work. My stomach had been in knots all day, and my body was responding to the stress I tried to muffle. And as I expected when I got to work, we were called to go out onto the parade square. And I was anxious because I was scared that it would happen again and I would embarrass myself. I mean, there is no reason to almost pass out when you aren’t standing still for very long. It’s just standing.
So I went out there, and got a spot at the back. This made me calmer because I didn’t feel like everyone was watching me. I wiggled my toes, and tried to distract myself from my anxiety by thinking about music and trying to stay focused on what is going on around me.
And I didn’t pass out this time. I started feeling anxious when I knew we were about to be dismissed (allowed to leave), but was able to stay calm enough to get through it.
I know my anxiety is still there. I know next time it might be harder. I don’t know how I will feel that day, or how bad my anxiety will be.
But sometimes you just have to be proud of yourself and celebrate the small victories. And maybe one day I won’t have to worry at all.
About janinerussellThe transition to adulthood; reflecting on the past to create a better future.
Hey all! Janine here.
This blog is to help me understand what is going on in my life, because I find that until I share my experiences it is hard to make sense of them and what they mean to the bigger picture. When there's nowhere else to turn, your typewriter is there to listen without judgment, and just let you bleed.
Welcome to the inside of my head.