Virginity and Other Diseases

[Warning, this post contains adult content]

My recent post about how I lost my virginity (you can read it here) has spawned several interesting conversations with my friends that I thought I would share. People have been asking me questions relating to virginity, and the process of losing it. I should note this isn’t a moral discussion of whether sex is right or whether you should wait until marriage. So here is some of what has come up:

1. One of my friends lost her virginity to a guy, but they only got it half-way in. Does that count?

I would say yes, but some people would say no. I think you tried, and it happened enough to say that it happened. You wouldn’t take a bite of a banana and say you didn’t eat it because the rest is still there. Actually some people would so that is a terrible analogy. Moving on…

2. My best friend is 20 and is eager to lose her virginity. She thinks that life would be easier if she lost it.

This is an interesting thought because it begs the question: “what is the right age to lose your virginity?” I think that losing your virginity is a choice that should be made when you alone decide that you are ready. But what if you are ready, have looked for love and never found it, and now just want to get it over with so that it doesn’t get in the way when you find someone who does want to hook up with you? Let’s be honest here, there are a lot of guys (and girls as well) who will not have sex with someone who is a virgin. That being said, sex is risky, especially for the woman. Both people have to think about the possibility of getting STDs, but the girl has to think about what would happen if she got pregnant. So, I don’t think there is any clear solution here. Your options are 1) hop into bed with someone you don’t really like just to get it over with and potentially regret it, or 2) wait for someone you do care about, and hope that they don’t mind that you’re a virgin.

3. My sister was in the same situation as #2, but then she hopped into bed with a guy at age 22. And she hasn’t regretted it.

But that doesn’t necessarily mean it will be the same for you because…

4. Feelings change after you lose your virginity.

No, I don’t mean you will fall deeply in love with the person and be together forever. You might feel used. You might have thought that you loved the person, and realize you actually don’t (like I did). They might take what they got and leave. Or you might be perfectly happy and be together for a long time. There is no way of knowing how things will be, and don’t say “I’m not the kind of person who would feel different after going through with it” because you don’t know that until it happens.

So I’ll just sum this up by saying the choice is yours. Make it when you want to, because it is completely up to you and you should never feel pressured into anything. When the time is right you’ll know. Just make sure you’ve thought it through and are prepared for the aftermath.


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About janinerussell

The transition to adulthood; reflecting on the past to create a better future.

One response to “Virginity and Other Diseases”

  1. lexborgia says :

    You need to break out, come live in Europe awhile, away from pious moralising hypocrites. btw, half-way in does count, after all, something has broken through the fence. One the fundamental questions we need to ask ourselves as a society(not us two) is why are we so terrifed of sex and why do we keep trying to regulate it/ prohibit the act. We tried that with alcohol, weed, absinthe, the word ‘fuck’ etc…none of those things compare to sexual pleasure. if you want to have sex just 4d fun of it, you can, noone owns you.

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