Last Year’s Resolution

I’m not the kind of person who makes new year’s resolutions. I think they are silly and just set people up for failure when they expect instant change. Last year, though, I made a trip out to Ontario just after Christmas, and spent new year’s with the guy I had dated over the summer, James*. We had agreed to break up at the end of the summer, but neither of us managed to move on. The moment the clock changed, we were at a party, lips pressed together, with confetti falling from the ceiling. At that moment I made a decision: this was my year to live my life the way I want it to.

I started working on my goal immediately when I got home. I had checked out a couple of schools, and found one with a great reputation, very impressive business school, and it was close to a military unit that I could easily transfer to. I applied to that university, and was accepted. When I told my supervisor I was leaving, he was obviously disappointed. He has always been really helpful to me, and was coaching me to become a leader so that I could progress in this organization. His plan was that when he left the military (which was going to be the next year since he was graduating from his degree and going to be looking for a job) I would take his place.

He knew about my fling with James, and knew that he might be part of the reason I wanted to leave. I didn’t care. I had a really good feeling about being with him, and I decided to trust my intuition. I knew my parents would be upset that I was leaving, my friends were sad I wanted to go, and my sister would definitely miss me. But I felt like I couldn’t stay there and be miserable. In Winnipeg I always wanted something more. I always had something to complain about, and a lot of that stemmed from living at home and feeling smothered, despite being only 19 at the time that I planned this.

So I made a plan, and at the end of the summer when I returned from over 4 months of military employment, James flew up, we packed my car, and together we left. I was tired of living my life the way everyone else wanted me to. I hated making decisions to make everyone else happy. I hated being treated like a child, and having my parents over-involved in everything I do.

My new year’s resolution for 2012 was that this would be the year I start living my life the way I want to.

And now I’m here, living life for me. It isn’t easy. There is a lot I didn’t take into account, but I’m learning to cope. I’m learning to live.

And if that isn’t a successful year, I don’t know what is.

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About janinerussell

The transition to adulthood; reflecting on the past to create a better future.

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